arkashas:

GOD. still the funniest transition in the show bar none

sandpapersnowman:

sandpapersnowman:

@ the terrified old couple that had to pass me, holding disembodied mannequin arms, to get in the mall : Sorry

@ THE EXTREMELY EXCITED MILLENIAL WJO RAN UP TO ME AND WENT “ID ASK IF YOU NEED A HAND BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE ENOUGH” : THANK YOU

alexseanchai:

nonsensicallycereal:

roach-works:

schifty-al:

angelsonthesideline:

“You see Perry the platypus”

-you’re not going to like the short answer

-you’re not going to understand the short answer

-you didn’t ask the right question

-there is no short answer

-there’s a dozen short answers and i think that’s neat

-there’s a much more interesting question you could have asked, buckle up

-this is going to be really funny in five minutes, hold on

-last time i said no you got mad but the answer is still no

-last time i said no you got sad and i can’t take that again

-i’ve been thinking about neolithic bedbugs all day and you cracked the seal

-this reminds me of something more important than whatever you just said

-i just remembered what i meant to tell you last time you asked something sort of like this

-i don’t like you so we’re gonna talk about my thing instead of your thing

-i love you so here’s the coolest thing i learned lately

-im not hungry so i forgot to do the part of the conversation where i tell you i dont want dinner when you asked what i wanted for dinner because i don’t want anything so the question is returning a null integer. did you know bed bugs might have originated in neolithic caves and switched from infesting bat fur to infesting human furs when humans started inhabiting caves and driving all the bats out, and they’ve lived in our beds for a hundred thousand years. did you know that cellar spiders are almost always the descendants of cave spiders, carried from quarry to foundation and left to flourish for decades, centuries. did you know that a possible origin for the american house cockroach was probably a bark-dwelling species that kept getting transferred into the walls and roofs of new houses and then found an endless wealth of crumbs in their new big square tree. can you feel some kind of love and reverence for these strange neighbors of ours that we built into our homes over and over and two whom humans are an endless and eternal blessing. isn’t it nice to think that to a few precious, annoying little critters, we’re home.

-yeah i think you should get bangs. life is short and you’d look cute.

-i would like this amount of explanation listening to your information so im giving you this as a favour

-i know there are social conventions that will influence how you perceive my response / what that response should be but i dont know what they are so im going to be as explicitly clear as i can be but it takes longer to explain

-i didnt understand the question or hear it properly and am sort of hoping youll take the hint because ive asked you to repeat it three times already and its embarrassing

-you dont understand the jargon that would make this explanation shorter and so will be without necessary information so now i must explain it more [this information may or may not be actually necessary]

[image: the Distracted Boyfriend meme. he’s labeled “ADHD/Autistic People”; the woman he’s with is labeled “Directly answering a question”; the woman he’s looking at is labeled “Giving a full backstory first”.]

shambling-under-moonlight:

whirlybirbs:

objectifying men in armor will literally never get old. like, work it shiny boy. hit ‘em with that old razzle dazzle you fuckin trash can. hottie! (tucks $5 into your cuirass) 

Throws in some gold coins at the neck opening and hear it rattling all the way down.

goth-ginger-witch:

bebsi-cola:

disabled people are worth whatever cost or resources is needed to keep them alive. disabled people are worth it even if they don’t live long. they’re worth it even if they will need extra support and resources for every day of their life. they’re worth it even if they spend all they life indoors. none of it is wasted. none of it is in vain. time, effort, money, resources spent on a life are not wasted. these things have served their purpose. the joy of someone’s existence is not undermined by not lasting forever. there’s no meaningful point, some threshold where you can say “okay this is enough. after that it’s not worth it.” it’s always worth it.

This is resonating deeply with me today. People have constantly been blocking the ramp out of my apartment lately and it makes me feel like I am not worth the effort. I’m glad there are still people who think otherwise

depsidase:

emobloodwolf:

update on personal life stuff

got hit by 12 cars and died. sory. all at once. no traces left behind. I think one of the cars was carnivorous

depsidase: